The Purchased Heart
03 weeks ago
by Penni
It is much too cold for May.
Thirty degree mornings are not fun when an 8 week old puppy needs to run. I rolled out of my cubby-hole bed and rummaged my 350 square foot studio but failed to find my sheepskin slippers. Ballet slippers would have to do. I stuck cold toes inside the rounded leather and stepped out the door with one little and two big German Shepherds. I set the baby down and she ran off behind her mother, their breath making mini clouds as mama led baby into a circle chase made up of all three.
I grunted, went back in and found a cup for coffee. My grunt grew to a growl when I found myself out of creamer. I traded coffee for hot tea and headed back out the door. I sat among the pine trees with my Bible and my heart in my lap as the sun tipped over the mountains and lit the trees. I looked up at the dew sparkle on the needles as my heart fought the darkness that had More >
Guarantees
07 months ago
by Penni
He met me there on my bed. He does that often, coming to me in the place I hide. My bed is my refuge. Has been for more time than I can remember. When I lay there, in the dark, with my covers up and my heart hidden, I am me. There is no judgement there, no one staring at my form or my words or my abilities or my anything. I am just there.
The dark surrounded me as I sought to hear his voice. It was cool, but too still for my agitated soul. I wanted to know that I was not lost.
I felt lost.
I held my own hands as I asked.
“Abba, where are we going? I feel so much like I have lost the path. Without it I keep tripping and wondering around in circles. I fall often these days. I am spirit soiled.”
He sat beside me before I opened my eyes. His robe, always white linen, glowed softly, radiating a light that soaked through my blankets, and through me. He pulled back the More >
Receive
07 months ago
by Penni
My knees Buckled.
I knelt to the floor in my new living room. I didn’t expect it. I thought I would just keep at it until I finally succeeded. It takes work to get things done. I am not afraid of work.
I have never been unable before.
I put my hands on my knees and rubbed the tops of my thighs. My heart was pounding and my chin quivered.
I was not in a place of danger. The house was safe, quiet, a refuge needed after a year of struggle. I had made it out of the difficulties, not without heart scratches and soul wounds, but alive.
And now I was trying again.
Trying.
I was nauseous. My throat closed. Tears, frustrated and not a just little angry carved a path down my cheeks. I clenched my teeth to keep my chin still.
I was undone.
I did not know what to do.
And I was mad about it.
I leaned forward far enough to toss a log onto the fire. It caught and popped as the flame More >
Why Words?
08 months ago
by Penni
I live by words.
They rain on me. Everywhere I walk. or stand, or lay, a whirlwind of words swirls in my thoughts. They are on the pages of my study books. They color the papers I write. They hang in the air in every conversation. . . wielding power in my life. They grab my attention and they tickle my funny places. They bring me to tears and they drag me to joy. They accost me and drag me to places I would rather not go. They soothe me and comfort me when the pain they cause is too much to bear.
Words. Such power.
I had finally settled. One more move. Temporary. Again.
My coffee steamed my nose as I stepped and drank at the same time. Those dogs are impatient when it comes to going out in the cool air of the not yet risen sun. I lowered my cup and turned the knob. The beasts sat in a semi-circle trying to hold back semi-wiggles. I gave them a couple of letters. “OK.” More >
A Bend in the the Road
09 months ago
by Penni
I stood at the bookcases. They sit in the corner of the dining room, two large black squares with nine inner squares, one encasing my theory Theology, the other my mystic Theology. The books were dusty. I wondered absently if I should bother to dust them before I begin packing. My brain popped with the need to get started, though I knew I would finish in a day.
I am not taking much.
I slowed my popcorn brain and turned slowly in a circle. Eight months. I had come to this house a winter ago. It was empty, a bit smelly and in need of copious amounts of improvement. I never imagined I would leave so soon.
Confusion pricked my chest and I took a deep breath. I came here to start a ministry. I came to set up a place for those who would learn of leadership, those who wanted to leave one day with a heart of wisdom and a life that had been filled with love.
But then, just five More >
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