I drove home in the rain. After weeks of drought that lengthened the unusually warm fall and threatened to dry up the giant lakes of Northern California, the water had started to fall, bringing with it cold wind and goose bumps. My sweatshirt, damp from the run to my truck, stuck to my shoulders and chilled my already prickly skin. I flipped on the windshield wipers as I pulled out of the parking lot and then rubbed the blurry from my tired eyes.
It had been a long week.
I arrived home amidst ever increasing wetness and ran upstairs. My girl had graciously let the dogs out for a bit. Wet and yet content, they had reentered the house and found their soft beds. Their hair was soggy, but their faces happy as they played at dominance over their toys. I was grateful they were not stressed from the school days alone. My beasts are used to my presence. I petted heads and checked More >
I bought new Christmas decorations this year. It was time for a change. My life has been mobile for so long…and finally, after nearly seven years, it has taken a solid stance. I have always longed for a place that is safe~a place I can run to when this sin torn world sends its ripping power into my life. Walls and ceilings, windows and warmth. A home is a refuge. I am so thankful one has come to me. Its blessing fills a long rending in the tapestry of me.
I decorated the tree by myself. There was a time when doing so would have echoed a loneliness in my soul. But now, in this dawning of a new season, the moments were precious. Nat King Cole cooed his melodies to me as a created a new Christmas for myself. When I finished, I sat quietly in my favorite place and absorbed it.
Blue and silver balls hung among glass flowers and hearts white lights sparkled on glitter trees. I had More >
The tiny camper table was cluttered. I smiled to myself as I moved wine glasses and baseball caps out of my way. I set my computer in the created space and grabbed bottle of organic tea. I spun the top and started to open the computer. I needed to get some things from my mind to the page. Before I opened the top the dogs sensed my heart and forced themselves into the tiny floor space at my feet. Somehow they know when I need their presence. They drifted off to sleep as I left the laptop closed, sat back on the table bench and stared out the window.
A maze of tie down strings at the tired row of oleanders lined the driveway. The camper had already been winterized. I was thankful the door had not been covered. It gave me a space. I needed a space.
My dear one was out fixing the needing-fixed parts of the place. The kindness of the camper blessed me as the quiet engulfed me and More >
I stood still, coffee cup in hand. The just-before-dawn darkness silenced my soul. I knew it was momentary, for my girl is an early riser, and since I was in her space, I got to discover the sunrise again . . . and again. The stars faded as the dogs shook off the night and ran around my feet–and hers. We laughed as they jumped on and tugged at and trashed their toys. German Shepherds are considered dangerous, but these? The worst they would do is permanently quiet the tap of a rain bird sprinkler.
I laughed at the three puppies playing tag around our legs as I sipped the strong brew. My girl called to the beasts, giggling as they bounded around her. I watched her for a moment as she abandoned herself to her love of the creature, and then I headed for the kitchen. My cup was empty.
The sun lightened the horizon as I lightened my coffee with cream. The light filled the yard, More >
I dropped sack full of leftover spices into the back window of my Tahoe and pulled against the hydraulic lift. The window snapped shut as I waved at my friend sitting in his truck -hitched to his horse trailer full of my things. He started his engine and waited for me to load my body into the driver’s seat.
My journey into psychological abuse had come to an end.
I had no regret in leaving that little town. I had never belonged there.
I opened my truck door and took one last look behind me. It was over. Thank God.
I turned the key and waited for the truck and trailer to pull out in front of me. It was fitting that I ride behind. I wanted to be sure I had no more losses. He headed out and I followed, watching to be sure nothing went awry.
The truth is my whole life had gone awry. Broken promises, calculated abandonment and deceptive actions had steered my heart off course. More >